


Open Wounds

by FavoredFire



Series: Demolishing Bridges (Academy AU) [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - School, Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Double Agents, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Lies, Repressed Memories, SHIELD Academy, SHIELD Academy Era, Teenagers, Unresolved Sexual Tension, academy au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 16:14:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4967650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FavoredFire/pseuds/FavoredFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Grant concentrates, he can almost forget his childhood- almost, until he can't. If only Skye weren't around to see.</p><p>[Academy AU Part Five]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Open Wounds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Next Academy AU. I didn't think anyone cared, but a few people asked about it, so here it is! Inspired by the wonderful Evieoh's edit on tumblr that's a rec for the series.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

" _Come here!" She shrieked as she pulled him closer by his shirt. She was so furious that the strength of her tugging unbalanced him. He stumbled as he tried to remain upright, but she paid that no mind._

_Her long fingernails pierced the skin of his cheeks when she grabbed his face. As she spoke, she yanked his chin up to face her. His neck uncomfortably stretched from the angle. She was so much taller and bigger than he was._

" _You're hurting me," he tried to point out. Even to him, the words were incomprehensible, muffled as they were by her hand._

_She must have understood though because she smiled a cruel, close-lipped grin. "Oh, am I?" She said._

_Abruptly, she let go. He had a moment of relief before the slap made him see stars. The second one caused his eyes to water, but it was the third one that sent stupid tears trailing down his cheeks._

" _Do you like that?" She asked._

_His lower lip trembled as he replied, "No."_

" _Now you know how Thomas felt, you disgusting brat."_

_He already knew how Thomas felt. She had seen to that ages ago._

_Grant knew it was pointless even as he replied, "Christian made me do it. I didn't want to!_ He _'s the one that hates Thomas."_

 _He was rewarded with another strike to the face. She was careful enough that he knew there would be no bruises tomorrow. It just stung now, he told himself, but it was not_ that  _bad._

_His mother grabbed his arm and began to drag him up the stairs to his room. He tripped on the steps multiple times, but she refused to slow down. His knees had started to bruise from falling by the time they reached his door. She threw him into the room and blocked the doorway like she thought he might try to escape. He knew better though. There was nowhere to go._

" _Stay in there until I decide you can leave," she ordered._

_The last time she had said that it took over a day for her to return. Just the thought made his stomach grumble. Grant had tried to remember to keep food hidden in his room, but it was so hard to sneak some under her constant, hawk-like scrutiny. Christian had thrown out his lunch before he could have a bite earlier. There was no chance she would let him have dinner and little chance that she would be back before tomorrow's dinner._

" _Can I have some food?" Grant asked without any hope._

_She paused and looked at him contemplatively. "Do you think you deserve food?"_

_He hated that question. There was no good way to answer it. If he said that he thought he did deserve it, she would ask what he had done to earn it or even throw his flaws in his face to say that he did not. If he said that he did not deserve it, she would say that he should not ask then._

_So Grant said nothing, and she slammed the door after waiting a few seconds. He heard the clicking of her heels fade away and reached up to touch his face. He could still feel the imprints of her fingernails._

It was five-thirty when Grant opened his eyes. His body was shivering in a cold sweat from his dream as he berated himself for allowing such thoughts of the past to reach him after all this time.

Garrett had told him he needed to lock down his memories. To be an agent, especially a sleeper, Grant had to be focused and tactical. He could not afford to be distracted by things that had happened a lifetime ago. Garrett needed him to get better, to  _be_ better, and Grant wanted to make him proud.

Grant missed Garrett a lot. He did not care for his Operations' classmates and knew better than to get close to them. They were the enemy, and Grant could not get attached.

He was having a harder time of keeping his distance when it came to his teammates. He reluctantly enjoyed Fitz and Simmons' company. Fitz especially was growing on him. He strangely reminded Grant of his little brother even though the two were nothing alike.

Maybe it was the useless desire of wanting to protect Fitz while knowing he was likely going to cause him misery that made Grant think of Thomas.

But the two of them were minor concerns compared to Skye. He had no idea what he was going to do about her. He had to see her for their team meetings, and while he could cease their private training, he found himself unable to put a halt to them. The best memories he had were of his time spent with her in secret.

Garrett would be displeased if he learned though, and Skye drew too much attention to herself. Not too long ago, she started a fight with a second year cadet at Operations in the middle of a hallway.

Grant got ready and left to do his morning training regimen before class and shoved all thoughts about the past away as he did.

* * *

The sun had long since set by the time they were able to meet for weekly training. Grant had insisted that they go off campus for their sessions because he was becoming increasingly paranoid that Garrett was going to find out. He seemed to know everything, but Grant knew he could not let him discover this.

Since few gyms were open in the middle of the night and Skye had adamantly refused to train in the nearby woods-  _"Wow, Mountain Man, do you want us to get eaten by a bear?"_ \- they had taken to breaking into a local fitness facility.

Grant was able to pick the lock on the back door, a skill he had picked up from military school, and Skye had proven more than capable of wreaking havoc on security systems. He was not sure how she was able to rework all the cameras and alarms to hide their presence, but she had. In about two minutes.

Grant was a little in awe of her. Apparently she had not been lying when she claimed that Comms was not teaching her anything she did not already know.

That was how the two had found themselves in the deserted gym illuminated only by the one overhead light they would risk.

Skye was improving, Grant thought as he watched her. He did not want to tell her so because it would all go to her head and any progress he had made on increasing her dedication and seriousness would be lost.

Still, the words tumbled from his lips. "You're picking things up quickly."

Skye paused mid-punch to peek around the bag at him incredulously. "What did you just say?"

Grant was not going to repeat himself when he was sure she had heard him perfectly. He frowned lightly at her.

But Skye just squealed and jumped up and down. "I can't believe you of all people just complimented me."

He was right. It did go straight to his head.

"I observed, I didn't compliment," he teased her anyway.

As he suspected, that just made her smile widen. "I'm getting so good now. Did you hear I'm the hero of Comms?"

Grant had actually heard that. Given that he was an Operations student who had no time for gossiping, Grant was sure that if he heard, so had everyone else. He worried that might extend to Garrett.

Ignoring that, Grant raised a brow mockingly. "One successful fight and suddenly you're a hero?"

"Don't rain on my parade, Debbie Downer," Skye threw back at him. "Hey, we should spar."

Grant looked at her unimpressed. "One compliment and suddenly you think you can fight me?"

"I thought it was an observation," Skye joked. When Grant did not rise to the bait, she continued with a huff, "I know I'm not whipping out the crazy ninja moves like you, but I thought it'd be fun. I'm so bored with hitting this thing."

Skye half-heartedly punched the bag again, and it swung back and forth weakly as if to emphasize her point.

"I don't have 'crazy ninja moves'," Grant said. "I have discipline and training-"

"Oh my god, stop," Skye begged comically. "You're boring me to death with that lecture. And if your frown gets any more pronounced, I think your face will get stuck that way."

That shockingly did not make him stop frowning.

"Please, Ward," she said as she peered up at him hopefully. Her brown eyes were so soft, and Grant forgot what she was asking and just found himself nodding stupidly.

Skye cheered as she abandoned the bag and practically skipped onto the mats.

She was just so… happy. It made him strangely uncomfortable because he honestly did not understand. She always seemed so upbeat, and Grant was sure she had reason not to be. He had picked up on some demons in her past from little comments she had made.

Grant wanted to wrap himself in that happiness. He wanted to get lost in that unrestrained joy like he had nothing to fear by allowing himself to forget. Sometimes when he was with her, Grant would unconsciously find himself smiling and losing track of time because her happiness was contagious.

But he did not have any right to be happy. Grant was a killer. He had blood on his hands that people like Skye would never understand. He had pulled the trigger on an unconscious SHIELD agent and soon he would kill more. He had thrown his younger brother in a well and let him drown while he watched.

Skye was allowed to be happy because she was good. For Grant, every bit of happiness he experienced made him feel like he was stealing it from someone more deserving.

Besides, happiness was not the goal. Grant needed to pay back Garrett for all that he had done for him, and smiling and laughter was not a part of the mission. Garrett would not want him to be distracted.

His thoughts sobered him. Grant followed Skye onto the mats more reservedly.

Skye held up her fists and gave him a cocky grin. She was definitely the most gorgeous girl he had ever met.

"Widen your stance," he told her. "I could unbalance you easily with the way you're positioned."

"Then why don't you instead of running your mouth," Skye goaded.

Grant could not help the small quirk of his lips at the blatant taunting. Skye's eyes lit up with the fire he knew so well, and Grant knew she would not be deterred. Maybe a demonstration was in order.

Grant stopped in front of her and made no effort to raise his arms or affect any sort of fighting pose. He stared at her with a smirk from two feet away as if he did not consider her worth preparing for.

It riled her up just like he knew it would.

Impulsively, she charged at him, but Grant had read the intent from her before she even moved and was more than ready when her leg shot out. Grant caught the kick and held it up higher to unbalance her as he kicked out her other leg.

"Ow," she complained as her back hit the mat.

Grant did not give her a second to get up. In an instant, he was upon her and pinning her to the ground effortlessly.

He locked her legs and kept her arms carefully restrained as he lowered his body weight to render her immobile. For a brief moment, he felt smug and prepared to rub her sound defeat in her face, but the beginnings of the reprimand of her carelessness quickly died on his lips.

Skye bucked up into him in protest at once. His position easily contained her efforts, but that was not the problem.

The problem was he suddenly could not think. His mind went completely blank as all he could focus on was the heat from her body pressed up against him. Every movement she made only served to make them closer still- or torturously create friction between their aligned hips.

Grant had used this move many times on his classmates and even Garrett. It was not intimate, or at least he had never thought it to be. But somehow his mouth had gone dry and his thoughts had abandoned him.

Grant inhaled sharply through his nose when Skye squirmed beneath him. He tried to stop his body's instinctive reaction but was helpless to do so. He had no practice shutting down these feelings because it had never been a problem before.

He had gotten erections before obviously but never when he was with a girl or because of something she did. He had never really been sexually attracted to someone before. The years in Wyoming had left Grant without any human contact for the most part, so not a lot of opportunity there. Military school and juvie had only guys. Before that, well, even if he were old enough for those kind of thoughts, Grant had other things on his mind and was not socializing much.

Since coming to the Academy, Grant gone from outcast to loner and not made much of an effort to approach anyone in that way. He was far too preoccupied with his training with Garrett and his true purpose.

But Skye was different. He had known he was attracted to her for a while. That night in the showers… well, the horror of the day had been the only reason he had not reacted this way.

Now, all he could think about was her. She was under him with her chest heaving and her those big brown eyes-

She froze, and a part of him recognized why even though it felt like his thoughts were not connecting. "Ward?"

Deliberately, she shifted her hips against his. Grant shut his eyes tightly as he repressed a groan. He ripped himself off of her because it seemed his brain had decided to finally start working again, and he remembered why this was such a terrible idea.

But Skye chased him. She pulled herself into a sitting position and shoved hard against his chest before he could get up. She knocked him backwards and got on top of him with so much confidence that Grant instinctively trusted that she knew what she was doing and followed her lead. He let her straddle his hips push him to the ground without protest.

Skye's hands ran determinedly over his chest as she ground her hips into his. He forgot to breathe. Then she was kissing him, and he did not care about silly things like oxygen anymore.

Her mouth was hot and perfect as she slanted her lips over his. This time, Grant was not able to stop the groan that flew from his mouth uninhibitedly. It was muffled against her mouth, but he swore she heard it and smiled.

One of her hands trailed down his body to the waistline of his pants. Maybe she was waiting for permission, but she hesitated before slipping her hand inside to grip him. He shuddered under her and panted as she stroked him.

Skye gave him a blinding smile that made Grant feel like the world had stopped spinning.

"Do you like that?"

Grant flinched and jerked away as far as he could. His blood was ice in his veins as he clumsily scooted away.

Skye had fallen off of him and stared at him with wide, hurt eyes. "Ward?"

Grant tasted bile in the back of his throat. He tried to calm his breathing, but his heart continued to pound uncontrollably. Was he shaking or was that in his head? His eyes darted all over the room.

He was in a gym, not there. There was no there anymore. He had burned that awful place to the ground. It was gone with nothing but a scorched frame and some ashes to prove it had ever existed. It was gone.

"Grant?"

Grant whirled around to face Skye. Humiliation consumed him. He was so weak and pathetic, and Skye had just witnessed him freaking out over nothing. Grant gritted his teeth. He needed to escape. He needed- he needed-

"Hey, Grant!" Skye's voice was panicked as she reached out to grab his shoulder.

Grant could not help the way he recoiled and then felt disgusted with himself once more.

Skye hunched over slightly. "I'm sorry," she said. She bit her lip and would not meet his gaze. "I thought you wanted to. I'm sorry," she mumbled again.

She started to get up. One of her hands rubbed her eyes as if she were wiping away tears before they could fall.

Grant's chest constricted. He was revolting and pitiful.

"No, wait." His hand shot out to grab her wrist before she could flee.

Skye would not look at him. "Let go," she muttered. She tugged her arm, but Grant kept his grip easily.

He was an idiot. He had figured she had some abandonment issues as an orphan, and then he did this.

"It's not you," he blurted out. "I'm pathetic."

Skye stopped fighting him, but she did not appear relieved like he had hoped. Her eyes scanned him with a seriousness he rarely saw from her.

"I don't think you're pathetic," Skye spoke slowly like she was unsure of how he would react.

Grant stared at her stupidly and could not find the words to reply.

"Are you okay?" Skye prompted. "What happened just now?"

Grant did not know what to say. He had thought of his mother while kissing her because of some words spoken over a decade ago? If she did not think he was pathetic yet, he would not ruin that by opening his mouth.

Skye crouched down in front of him. "Grant, please talk to me. You can trust me."

_Don't trust anybody. Ever._

Garrett's words came back to Grant and made his tongue feel like lead. He realized he was still clutching her wrist like a lifeline and dropped his hand.

"I'm worried about you. Is this related to that night you came to by room with blood on your hands? I know you're hiding something. You can talk to me with your secrets though," Skye was saying, but Grant was already distancing himself from the conversation.

"No," Grant said mechanically. He was numb all over now. "It's nothing. There's nothing to say."

Grant stood gracefully and walked out the door without looking at Skye again. He let her calls fade into the night unanswered.

**Author's Note:**

> That was pretty dark and messed up, right? Hope you guys didn't hate it, but given how much younger Grant is here, I feel like his abuse and past are especially affecting him. He hasn't developed any sort of coping mechanism really- unhealthy or healthy.
> 
> Please let me know what you think. I'm nervous about posting this because it seems umm kind of awful in multiple ways to be honest. I feel like I should say otherwise since I wrote it but yeah.


End file.
